So lately I’ve been experiencing some feelings of self doubt and questioning every single decision I have ever made and those that I didn’t make.Being an artist and a musician I find solace in my music and tend listen to songs that apply exactly to my feelings. Lately I have been listening to a gorgeous, acoustic version of outkast’s hey ya and it sends chills up and down my arms and blasts a lightning bolt right through my chest.
So what does this have to do with anything? Ok, here’s the deal.Recently I lost a very significant amount of weight and am getting a lot of attention, mostly from men which excites me and disgusts me at the same time. Along with this massive weight loss have come feelings of doubt in my marriage, did I marry the right guy? Is he really the one who gets me? Did I rush into this? Or, am I just feeling the intoxicating affects of attention?
I am feeling conflicted and frustrated, trying to bring back the sparks that once flew so feverishly between us. Being that we are only 2 years into our marriage (5 years together) I can’t say I feel that I have given it a fair shot, but these feelings of doubt linger. I imagine this is normal and at some point we have all wanted to go running for the hills bags packed, never to be seen again.
It’s not that my husband is a bad spouse, quite the opposite, he is an amazing husband. But, I find myself getting annoyed with things that never used to bother me and wanting to be out and about when he just wants to sit and watch a movie.I know that I would miss him if we ever split, I know that life wouldn’t be nearly as good, so here in lies my problem; where are these feelings coming from? How much of it really has to do with him versus me? We discuss family planning all the time which is another pressure that makes me anxious and want to crawl under a rock and never come out. I have put a time limit on these feelings, if I am still feeling this way in 6 months I will have to take some kind of action.
Until then I will make every attempt to bring back the romance and find each other again.