This is my life…
So, I figured the best way to start this off would be with an introduction…Hi, I am a chick in my 30s, have a house, a job, a boyfriend who has two sons from a previous marriage, and together we have a beautiful little girl. Yes, we had a baby out of wedlock and I often get the question, “when are you two going to get married?” The answer is, we are NOT. Which brings me to the question, “what is marriage, really?” Why do people get married? This is something I have pondered for a very long time.
I was never that little girl who sat and stared at the clouds, daydreaming about the day she will meet her prince charming and get married, what the wedding would be like…flowers, dancing, the sparkly white wedding dress…Even as I matured, met new people, spent time in long-term relationships, the idea of a wedding seemed to seep further and further into the cracks. I am sure many of you are thinking, “she must have come from a broken home, or had a difficult upbringing.” The truth is, I had the complete opposite. I grew up with two of the most amazing, caring, and supportive parents anyone could ask for, who were married my entire childhood and displayed nothing but love and affection for one another.
As time passed and the divorce rate increasingly grew (and continues to grow), my attitude changed from “I don’t want to get married” to “I don’t ever want to get divorced!” Half of my family members are now divorced, four of my closest friends are divorced, and my parents who were married for 30-years are now divorced…I mean come on, what is the point of getting married these days. What does a marriage really mean anymore?
I understand that relationships, regardless if a couple is married or not, are not easy…all those little things you once could tolerate about someone, especially during the “honeymoon” phase, eventually become the most annoying habits in the whole world, the arguments, disagreements…all of these things are inevitable in a relationship, which is not necessarily a bad thing. However, from what I have gathered from many of my married acquaintances in life, is that when the negativity (if it exists) outweighs the positive gestures in the marriage, the feelings of “I am stuck” start to run through their mind…or is that when we, as humans, start to look for something better. Wishing for things that we don’t (or can’t) have…and we all know what that can lead to, Ashley Madison accounts (only kidding)?
At the end of the day, to me, marriage is just a piece of paper (and maybe a few additional benefits as far as finances go, and that is definitely NOT a reason to get married). It doesn’t make the perfect family, it doesn’t super glue a couple together, it does not say “so and so will live happily ever after, please sign here…” So, why get married? Why can’t we just “be” with someone that makes us happy, we enjoy spending time with, or possibly even start a family with…maybe forever, or maybe until it’s time to move on, because I have a hard time believing two people were meant to be FOREVER – that is an awfully long time, and we all know, people change over time and “things” start to increasingly fizzle out or become non-existent altogether as the time passes!?
Well, I am going to go against the grain, against society’s idea that you have to have that piece of paper in order to be with someone and start that family…and be legally recognized as a couple. If it works out in the end and my boyfriend and I were meant to be, then I can say that I met my Prince Charming and had my happily ever after, married or not. If, for unforeseen reasons, this relationship I find myself in does not stand the test of time…I turn the page, love and support my daughter with all of my heart, and can say I’ve never been divorced. Until next time…
…this is my life