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Evolution of Man

Posted in 1Rooster

I have to admit that I’ve never really agreed with the premise of this blog.  I happen to know justachik1, um, intimately.  She doesn’t suck at being a woman any more than any of you do.  Well, based on what I’ve read here so far, one of you maybe, kinda, sucks.  (NOTE:  I’ll be entering the witness protection program now, just in case ChickNorris29 thinks I’m talking about her.)

In fact, justachik1 is so good at being a woman that, to steal a phrase from Jack Nicholson in the movie As Good As It Gets, she makes me want to be a better man.  And that is the point of my post.

See, I believe that we men, as a species, exist on the evolutionary continuum somewhere between the hunched over chimp and the guy with the spear.  Easily two or three evolutionary leaps behind women.

Oh sure, we have the ability to mimic the behaviors of actual, fully fledged human beings, but that’s usually limited to first dates and job interviews.  After that, it’s back to scratching our balls and lighting stuff on fire. And sometimes combining the two.  See!

There are wide swaths of the Internet dedicated to this premise.
We men have blogs, largely authored by women, naturally, committed to teaching us just enough basic life skills to reach the lofty status of being deemed socially “adequate”. Yes, the Adequate Man Blog exists because we suck. Recurring features on this blog include, “Ask a Clean Person”,  “Show Us Your Bad Tattoos” and “Tell Us About a Time You Peed Yourself”.  Oy!  Though, the piece on how to make her climax without using your dic-.  Um, your pen-.  Uh, how to creatively make her climax was rather insightful.

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Hell, there’s even an award – the Darwin Award – given out to folks whose misapplication of logic is so egregious it leads to their own demise.  There’s the guy who wanted, and failed, to prove that the speeding train would zip right over the top of him if he laid down flat enough between the rails.  And the guy who self-immolated after he accidentally drank gasoline, spit it out then lit a cigarette to ease his nerves.  And, of course, there’s the guy who brought the house down on himself when he chainsawed the load bearing beam in his barn – while he was inside the barn.  You know which gender earns the Darwin Award an astonishing 88.7% of the time?  Yep, men. Again, we suck.

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There’s a reason men’s auto insurance rates are higher than women’s, all else being equal.  And there’s a reason why men’s rates go down when they get married – women make them less stupid just by being around.  To that point, justachik1 makes me want to rise out of the primordial soup of testosterone, ignorance, insensitivity and Cheeto dust where many, MANY men still reside.

I want to catch up to her on the evolutionary scale so I can be a little more thoughtful when talking with her.  Possibly stop being “such a guy” and let her just solve her own problem once in awhile instead of being Mr. Fix It.  Maybe think to wear something other than flip flops on our next date.  Perhaps I could learn which temperature settings to use when doing our laundry. I want to put in extra effort at work to make sure I can help give her the home of her dreams.  I want to get into better shape so she will be proud to stand beside me at the next pool party. I need to remember to bring her flowers, just because. Learn to cook more than 4 things so she can come home from her own hard day and just drink a glass of wine. And maybe – just maybe – admit one time that I don’t, in fact, know everything.

I fail at all of this 9 out of 10 times. I’m trying the best I can, but the evolutionary pull back into the soup is strong.  But I love justachik1 and I’m confident that one day I’ll evolve enough to walk fully upright by her side.

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One Comment

  1. ChickNorris29
    ChickNorris29

    That was hilarious. I guess you are off the hook this time Rooster. Thanks for reminding us what we are up against.

    November 3, 2015
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