As a young child, I quickly identified that I wanted nothing to do with being a “third wheel”. If I was invited over to a friend’s house, I quickly asked if this was going to be that person and me, or a grouping of friends. If it was a grouping, I politely declined the offer. It wasn’t something my parents instilled in me, in fact, I think that they would have liked me to have more friends during that point in my life.
When I was in High School and College this all changed. The yearning for friends, whether good ones or bad ones, was almost a life need. Searching out whoever wanted to befriend me, so I could be like the popular girls, who always had something to do Friday and Saturday nights. I looked at the girls that had groupings of friends and thought, “How do they do that, and how can I be like them?”
My parents tried their best to curb me from the bad influences as much as possible in Middle/High School. However, with my strong will and internal want for more friends than I had Cabbage Patch Kids when I was younger, there was very little they could do. I had my fair share of issues and run-ins, but can safely say, that I made it out of my 20’s without a criminal record (barely) and with minimal physiological damage.
It wasn’t until the traumatic experience of losing a parent when something clicked in my head and I begin to think….If you are not good for me….FUCK YOU….I’m moving on. Maybe you can call it a mental break, I call it a realization. When something so life altering happens, you begin to really self-evaluate your own wellbeing.
This is when friends who were toxic were cut out immediately….ripped out of my life like tearing off a Band-Aid from a hairy arm. It had to be done and done it was. I cleaned up my Facebook Friends List….evaluating each person. Why was I allowing people who caused me hurt, shame, unhappiness, and ill intentions (whether intentional or otherwise) a window into my life? Stranger, is when I Unfriended people who lived in the same vicinity that I live in. Guess what….out of the 40 people I deleted off of my page….1 noticed and contacted me.
My advice to the ladies out there…Don’t wait until the traumatic experience happens. Your life is better with a small circle of friends who you can rely on. I read somewhere that your circle of friends will change every 7 years or so. Most people who are your nearest and dearest friends right at this moment, probably will not be in your life in 10 years. Some of your friends, are really just acquaintances, and the sooner you realize this the better. Identify the toxic people in your life and treat them like roaches, and if you have one, there are many more than you will ever realize. Once these issues are exterminated, you will have a weight lifted, there will be less drama, and you have a clearer mind for what really matters in life….your own happiness.
Don’t let Relationship Roaches Rule!