Every Fall I fall. Every Autumn I have a sense of unhappiness and lack of fulfillment. I get restless and unsatisfied with myself. It is a cycle I have experienced annually for quite a few years. In October of 2006 I wrote the following…
woman, lost, unsure, scared, full of it, weird, wondering, lazy, wanting to be different, shut down, different on the inside as opposed to the outside, wandering, understanding, full of tears, triggered by the slightest thing, questioning – When will I get to the point in my life that I can live in the flow, and release the need to resist what is? If everything is working out perfectly, then why am I not satisfied with life? What do I need to do to find satisfaction? Where am I going? Why question? Why? Why am I so concerned with knowing? What is knowing?
Oh my the younger me sure had questions! But it is enlightening to know where my mind has been. The ebb and flow of life is one of the constants that we can all be certain of. All things are cyclical in nature, and learning how to navigate through the cycles takes insight and time. One year later, in 2007 my writing took a much more insightful turn.
Autumn is here and I am going to find myself content and at peace with where I am in life. The only changes I need to make are to my attitude and focus. I am going to have an attitude of calm, centered, peacefulness; and a focus on being the best I can be.
Autumn is a time of emotional shedding- Drop the leaves of past emotional issues and nurture and rebuild from my true beautiful core, my essential self, my truth, and my wisdom. Let go and just be.
As Autumn approaches, I feel the cycle begin. I sense the restlessness and the desire to just run away from it all. I can now step back and see the cycle for what it is, just a part of the ebb and flow of my journey on earth. I can hold on tight and let it feed my negative desires like I did in 2006, or I can acknowledge it and let it go choosing peace and love. As with all things in life, this too shall pass. I will admire the season of shedding the year, just as the leaves fall from the trees.