This is my life…
A man, according to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, is “an adult male who shows the qualities (such as strength and courage) that men are traditionally supposed to have.”
Society portrays a man to be strong, tough, a protector, a fighter…the list goes on and on. This sounds just like Russell Crowe in the movie Gladiator – I don’t know about you ladies, but I want a man that can fight off tigers and drop-kick the muscle head at the bar, in my honor of course, and then swallow me up in his enormous arms…”oh hunny, you saved me!”
Obviously I am (we all are) living in fantasy land. I swear, men are the biggest babies. When a man falls ill or experiences an injury of some kind you would think the world was ending. My father taught me this at a young age. I recall one afternoon my dad was shaving in the bathroom, and when he came out, he had tissue plotted all over his face as if her were attempting to play a game of connect the dots with his razor. He looks at my mom and says, “I feel light-headed.” All I know is that both my mom and I started cracking up…”what do you mean you feel light-headed?” His response, “I’ve lost a lot of blood, I think I might pass out.” LOL!
I recently fell victim to the “helpless” man syndrome again and figured I would share my story in hopes that at least one woman could relate…and verify that I am not being a complete insensitive B#*%&.
It all started on a Wednesday afternoon when I received a text that my boyfriend was going to the ER because he was stung by a scorpion at work. I immediately called him asking if he was allergic – hence the ER trip…he said no, he had been stung before, but it was protocol according to his job.
Side note, I have never been stung myself, but have heard it can be quite painful. I am basing the “pain level” on the fact that my 2-year old was stung twice on the foot, at the same time, and recovered within an hour…
Five-hours later I hear the door slam, and in he comes limping with his arm dangling at his side as if it were hanging on by the very last thread. Seriously, you would’ve thought he had been shot. How on earth does a scorpion sting to the thumb effect your leg….He then proceeds to get in the shower. As I walk into the bathroom to put the laundry away he is moaning repeatedly, head down, attempting to wash his hair with one hand. The horrible person that I am, I giggled for a brief moment and thought to myself, “suck it up.”
The dramatics continued as he stumbled his way to the couch and slouched over, rocking back and forth with a repetitive moan gurgling from his throat – ladies, I am not exaggerating any of this. I ask him, “are you alright?” “Do I need to take you back to the hospital?” I mean, one would’ve thought he was having a seizure – I swear I even saw a spittooey dribble out of the corner of his mouth.
At this point, I could not even handle it anymore. I finished up everything around the house, asked one more time if he was going to be okay, received a very short “IT HURTS!” and went to bed. Long story short, that damn scorpion put him out of work for the next two days…what!?
Men are not tough guys, they just want us to think they are. We, ladies, know that regardless of how sick we are – flu, broken bone, child birth – shit still needs to get done, and it does.
Call me mean, insensitive, a tough chick, all of the above…but, I will say, thank goodness we have them around just in case we ever need help getting that pickle jar open! Until next time…
…this is my life.