After reading justachik1’s post on stinky hoohas, this is the first story that came to my mind. You are right justachik1…..the struggle is real.
This story takes place several years ago. I was backpacking through Eastern Africa for three months with a handsome British, David Beckham with deadlocks lookalike whom I met on a topless beach in Greece several months prior. We decided to rent a house on an island for a few weeks with two other friends we met there and “David Beckham” and I got the biggest room to accommodate our lovely shag sessions. Jealous?
I thought I was doing a pretty good job of grooming myself, considering I was in Africa living out of a backpack. We spent a lot of our days with the friends, just sitting on the roof of this house that overlooked the ocean. We had great conversations about what we missed and did not miss from home. I was sitting on David Beckham’s lap when he said to me, “What is with you and your raunch? Americans and raunch! They love it!” One of the friends who you can usually count on for perverted comments said “I love American raunch!” I felt my face heat up instantly as I had an internal panic. Oh. My. God. He thinks I smell raunchy!!!!!!! What the fuck!!!!! Noooooooooo!!!! So, I calmly got up and said I was going to go get more beers for the group, but I really left so I could go secretly try and sniff my own vagina. I sprinted in my room and performed my own panty raid, sniffing every pair like a dog sniffing a new visitor’s crotch. Nothing unusual, I mean you can tell the ones that have been worn (can’t lie on that one) but nothing raunchy. Great, I guess I’m just used to my own raunch. For the next three days, I showered two or three times a day (from a bucket, Africa style) and sniffed my pretty little undies constantly like the creepiest pervert ever. I made up excuses why I didn’t feel like having sex. You know when someone always smells bad, but they are used to it so they are the only ones who don’t notice how bad it is? Well I guess that was me and ‘gina. Clueless and raunchy, together forever.
A few days after the horrible raunchy comment, I received a care package from my mom. She included some things I missed from home, like peanut butter, magazines, flavored wheat thins, and a packet of ranch dressing. As I open it up and pull everything out, David Beckham sees the ranch packet and says, “See what I mean! You and your raunch! All Americans love raunch!”