Some things command more respect than others.
There’s summiting K2 and then there’s summiting Mount Everest. Both are major accomplishments. Both are impressive. But there’s no denying Mount Everest garners more respect.
The same is true for alcohol. There’s shooting six shots of whiskey and then there’s shooting six shots of tequila. Both are impressive feats. However, there is something different about tequila. There just is.
I don’t believe in magic potions, but tequila makes me wonder. What is it about that blue agave that makes normal functioning adults turn into temporary psychopaths?
We’ve all heard and/or told our fair share of alcohol stories. The most entertaining ones always end with – and that’s the last time I drank tequila.
It was once told to me that there are two types of tequila drinkers. Those who have given it up and those who will.
Which isn’t surprising, after all tequila is an old Nahuatl word whose meaning roughly translates to ‘where are my pants and how did I get here’ *. Unfortunately, many of us have been exactly there and instantly joined the group of ‘those who have’. In fact, I could tell tequila stories on about at least six of the 30chix…but I won’t.
Tequila commands respect. And, for the most part, it receives the respect it deserves. Nobody starts the evening intending to do multiple shots of tequila. I mean, after all, only a mad person would do that. But, tequila is very persuasive.
After the first few shots, the imbiber becomes superhuman – capable of doing extraordinary things – like ingesting ten shots of tequila and chewing up the worm for show. It’s not long before this same superhuman is lying in the fetal position on a cold cement floor – tequila spittle caked on the chin – chanting a religious mantra to the Ghost of Elmo.
If you’ve never watched Jim Breuer’s bit on Alcohol, you gotta spend the four minutes. It’s worth it.
I sometimes believe there is a Grand Council of Blue Agave Generals who sit around and compare stories. Anecdotes that begin with…
…You’ll never believe what I got that mother of four to do at the office Christmas party.
…I like to trick them. Give them just enough tolerance to feel invincible and then…
…There was this one time. They decided to play a drinking game. How cute…
They will swap stories for hours on end and laugh uproariously. And, they should. We do stupid shit on tequila.
Shit so stupid it inspires music. The short playlist below is only a small sampling of tequila anthems. My boyfriend Google can give you many, many more.
- Jose Cuervo by Shelly West (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7EZ9V6F9yo)
- Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off by Joe Nichols (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nj2700em-JQ&index=22&list=RDiej6Z3iUzFg)
- You & Tequila by Kenny Chesney (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8XkLrErSHw)
- Mas Tequila by Sammy Hagar (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQrbd0VWxBU)
- Patron Tequila by Paradiso Girls (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FhEKAzSprE&list=RD5FhEKAzSprE#t=100)
- Ten Rounds with Jose Cuervo by Tracy Byrd (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z16jVKrk2s)
- Tequila by Brooks & Dunn (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1lq_rg4kc8)
- Tequila by The Champs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uyl7GP_VMJY)
- Tequila Sunrise by The Eagles (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Sy5Tdksuwo)
- One In A Row by Trick Pony (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSF-ErT2ifs)
- Margaritaville by Jimmy Buffet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGNpjDmiHvc)
Each of them highlights the power of tequila.
Tonight as you ring in the New Year, remember to pay tequila the respect it deserves. It is a worthy opponent. When challenged, it will be victorious.
I wish you a night of happy celebration and warm inebriation.
Should you choose to challenge the Mighty Blue Agave, please share your story tomorrow.
Hell, I’ll even write the first line – I swear I’m never drinking tequila again.
*No it doesn’t really mean that.