This is my life…
I’ve never really understood the female species. Granted, I am a woman, and most times I don’t even understand myself, but I could never quite “hang” with the girls.
I believe it all started back in high school…girls were so mean. The name calling, fighting, bullying, stealing each other’s boyfriends, excluding girls because they weren’t “cool” anymore, they wore ugly clothes, they didn’t smoke…the list is endless. And, while I was never a direct victim of this “cattiness,” I never understood the world of drama and why it had to be that way.
The individuals I found myself spending the majority of my time with were dudes. My boyfriend played hockey, two of my closest guy friends were on the football team, and I spent many hours on long bus rides and at meets with the track crew – after school and weekend events were usually spent at games/races, depending on the season, followed by an evening of beer pong at one of their houses, or bonfires in the backyard. Yes, “girls” were there too – we all know how gentlemen think, but my conversations with them were short and consisted of a “hi” or a quick hug, and then I was moving on to the closest stump next to the fire. To sum it up, the dudes just made me feel comfortable – no judgments being made on the clothes I wore, whether or not I drank or did drugs, if I dated so and so… and there was never any DRAMA!
Clearly it taught me what to look for, as an adult, when it comes to the individuals I choose to spend my time with – and I don’t mean just guys, I have the most wonderful group of lady friends I could ever ask for – the kind that don’t judge. Of course we have had a few dramatic moments in the past, but at the end of the day, there is no one I would rather call when I needed dating advice, to go shopping with when I am in need of a new pair of boots, spend the night at their house when too many glasses of wine have been downed (slumber party), or ask to help me remove a tampon that has decided to go spelunking in the depths of my vagina and I could not get it out (true story), than these girls.
Which leads me to the current predicament I find myself in…drama…with another woman…that I don’t understand.
You see, my daughter (4) has made a very close friend with one of her preschool classmates. Both my boyfriend and I have come to know her quite well through our daughter’s tall-tale school stories and weekend visits to the gymnastics “place.” And, somewhere along the way, we’ve formed a friendship with the young lady’s parents as well (whom we will call Jack and Jill for the blog’s sake) – if the girls like playing together, then “playdates” were inevitable. Both the man and I enjoy spending time with them – they are great people – and again, along the evolutionary friendship path, we were invited to go to events with their friends so the girls could play together, the first being a Halloween party.
An evening filled with grilling in the cul-de-sac, taking the kids Trick-or-Treating, and a few adult beverages being consumed – all-in-all a fun night out for the whole fam. All of their friends were extremely welcoming and friendly and all of the older kids treated our daughter as if she had been part of the gang from the beginning…until…the BFF of Jill stumbled on over, and took the heat off the grill and poured it on me. “So, how do you know Jill?” “You guys live close to them?” “You get together a lot…” the questions kept coming, and I casually answered them, not really thinking much about it. The night ended, we said our goodbyes and went home.
Event two was the eye-opener for me – Jill’s baby shower. Both my daughter and I were invited and arrived a few minutes late with gifts in hand. Of course my girl bolted once she saw her little school friend, and I was left, standing at the door, with a woman (the BFF) eyeing me from head to toe, arms crossed, and the sly tone of her voice greeting me wth a nasty hello….all I wanted to do was put my tale in-between my legs, duck my head and waddle back to my car. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable in my life. The awkwardness continued the entire shower. I found myself second guessing everything I did – trying to help with gifts…STOP; helping take care of the kids…STOP; talking to Jill…STOP; trying to help clean up…STOP, because I was getting the “stank” eye the whole time. I could not wait to run out of there. What was wrong with me!?
Event three (and possibly the last) was a Holiday Party. We arrived with Jack and Jill and the two girls, walked into a house full of people we barely knew, and like a laser beam honing in on its target, BFF is in my face, “you aren’t shy are you?” What!? As the evening progressed, we spent a lot of time with Jack and Jill, chatting it up about our girls and how silly they are, amongst a few other topics when all of a sudden I notice BFF is right there, “hovering,” one eye on us at all times. I finally left the room and went outside to push the girls on the swings. BFF proceeded to tell people inside when they were looking for me that “I was being mommy and playing with the kids.” As the party is winding down and the girls are lying on the floor about to pass out, BFF comes over, sits next to me on the floor, and starts rubbing my daughter’s head, hugging the other little girl and telling her all about the gifts she has for her. Time to go…
In the end, I feel like the other woman in a relationship I am NOT trying to swindle my way into. For once in my life, the drama is coming out…look here Mrs. BFF, I am not trying to compete for Jill’s friendship or attention, I am not trying to conquer your territory, I am not trying to be the alpha chick in the crew…I am simply finding time for our two girls to play together.
Drama….until next time…
…this is my life.