Going back to December on this one, I want to make a shout out to justachik1’s blog on “the Mighty Tequila.” That shit’s no joke.
Not long ago I was the maid of honor in my cousin’s wedding in Cancun. If you have ever been a maid of honor and had to make a dreaded speech in front of everyone, you can understand my immediate need for tequila after it was over. The anxiety was lifted and I was free to drink a little too much the day after….no more maid of honor duties!
So, I went to the bar to get a beer and bumped into a friend of the bride at the bar. He was there solo and was really awkwardly shy, so I asked him if he wanted to do a shot with me. I figured he would say no, but he accepted and we did one shot of tequila. Apparently that shot helped him grow a set of balls, and he asked me to do another, and another, and another. As I was taking the 4th shot, the last thing I remember is seeing the rest of the wedding party head over to join us at the bar. I guess that is when the party started. This took place at 11am.
When I woke up later that day in my room, I had no idea that I had put on a show at the beach bar. I was miserable and couldn’t even touch the plate of food that someone had left me next to my bed. My hands hurt and were really raw and I couldn’t remember why. I was so miserable and had never really been so drunk that I didn’t remember anything. What the hell happened? Where am I? What time is it?
Basically, this is what happened in my tequila blackout: a lot of dancing on the bar, a lot of dancing behind the bar, a lot of spanking the cute bartender while I was dancing behind the bar, a lot more shots off of the bartender, and a lot of Cirque du soleil stunts on the swings that surround the bar. Apparently, I climbed up the ropes of the swings and tried to “cirque du soleil” myself down. I’m sure I thought it looked something like this:
But it really looked more like this:
And then a little something like this:
The security guards were clearly on to me because I got kicked out of the beach bar. Who the hell gets kicked out of a beach bar in Mexico?!?!?! This chick. I suck.