As I have gotten older, friendships have started to mean more to me. As a kid, it was nice to have a bunch of friends. Sleepovers, play dates, someone to pass notes back and forth to. That was fine for then, but now things are different.
In highschool, I lost a lot of friends over a boy. I met this guy outside of school. We ended up working together. Mind you we were all of 17 and 18. What I didn’t know about this boyfriend was he was a womanizer. Come let’s be honest. Even at 30, 40, etc women can’t tell if a man is a womanizer.
Whenever I wasn’t around Mr. T (my boyfriend) he was nice. So nice that it wavered on the edge of being friendly and overly friendly. He gave long hugs when women were going through things, sympathetic pat on the shoulder, offer to be there when shit got tough. What I didn’t know was the moment we even got close to a fight, the girls came running.
We broke up for all of 16 hours and my best friend swooped in and asked him to prom. Committed with a date, he sweet talked himself back into my arms. We were a couple again. The next day at school, I walked up and everyone walked away. By lunchtime, my squad had all written me personalized letters on how big of a bitch I was. I had no idea that I was wrong for working things out with my boyfriend.
My senior year and most important year was ruined because of this. I ended the year with only two original best friends. They understood. We all graduated and moved on. I had kids, everyone else moved on with education or being a fuck up. I apologized for nothing. I reached out and tried to reconnect. I always got excuses.
This past July one of my best friends passed away. She was one of the two that understood. She was God-fearing, loving, intelligent, beautiful….the list goes on and on. She was truly a beautiful soul. All of us girls got together and let bygones be bygones. That lasted for maybe a month. I still continued to reach out, be available….and nothing.
While this may sound pointless to most, to me this spoke volumes. I was trying so hard to have many friends, they didn’t care. The quality wasn’t there. Some friends aren’t worth having. I decided that I’m focused on making and keeping friends that mean something where the relationship isn’t one-sided. Truth is most of those girls were never my friend s in the first place.