Dear Slow Car in the Fast Lane,
You are a hazard. Yes, you.
I openly acknowledge you have every right to be there. In fact, I admire your law-abiding ways. I applaud you for being the only car in thousands to obey the posted traffic signs
But please let me applaud you as you move to the right and allow me to pass on the left.
That’s how it works. Have you never been on a moving sidewalk?
Why do you insist on clogging up the left lane?
My guess? You think you’re doing the right thing. After all, speed limits are posted to keep traffic moving at a safe speed, right?
Perhaps. But that only works if everyone is obeying them. You cannot be the sole car going 65 mph. That makes you the hazard – not the others scurrying to get around you
You alone have caused more unexpected and unnecessary braking than anyone else on the road. You are responsible for the numerous erratic lane changes and aggressive driving. It’s YOU who is driving like an idiot.
I understand you feel compelled to not exceed the posted limit. That’s fine. By all means, do it – from the far right lane -where slower tragic belongs. You should know this. Those signs you love so much even spell it out for you. If another car (i.e. me) comes whipping up on you, you by definition are now ‘slower traffic’. Slower traffic must move to the right.
So do it. Move over.
I’m not trying to be a bitch. I’m merely coaching you. You see, traffic is a game. A tediously long and brutal game. You are interfering with the game. It’s not cool.
None of us want to play this game, yet everyday we suit up and hit the asphalt -battling the same two opponents – time and distance. Over time, we’ve adopted many unwritten rules of engagement.
There are several but The Cardinal Rule is don’t disrupt the flow of traffic. Ever. Hell, even cops agree. When is the last time you saw someone getting a speeding ticket during rush hour? Been a while, hasn’t it?
Compare it to football. Refs know they can’t call holding on every play. Doing so would disrupt the game. Yes, there’s been a foul, but it’s in the best interests of the players and the game to continue playing. No harm – no foul. That’s the big picture.
I don’t know if you don’t see the big picture or if you’re just being passively aggressive. Whatever the case, you’re a serious and dangerous problem. You need to move over. Others are trying to get by and maintain the flow of traffic. You don’t drive in isolation. There’s a ripple effect and it’s going to cause injury. So do it already
Just. Move. Over.
The Chik Who Rode Your Ass For Twenty Miles