I think that all of my English teacher buddies have had multiple experiences with amusing analogies and metaphors that have been found in their students’ essays over the years. You could probably add to the list with some of your own memorable examples. A friend of mine recently sent me some of these and I wondered what the endings would be to these “bad beginnings”…
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Clinig Free. . static noise obliterated any semblance of logical thought like the sensation of rubbing dry hands across the surface of an inflated balloon.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef… he endured the relationship like a warm tongue stuck to a freezing metal pipe.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM…but he quickly recovered when he met a gorgeous woman who had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze… and as the rain turned to hail, they seemed to leap up off of the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant… as the young man in the audience gazed raptly at the tableau unfolding before him on stage, he fell for the ballerina like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
I know, poor offerings and a very lame attempt at quasi humor. My bad…