Before you go making assumptions that I am going to tell you how young chicks, such as myself, bully old ladies, I can promise you, this is not what this post is about. Quite the opposite, actually.
“Daisy” is in her 80’s, just under 5 feet tall with a head full of white hair. My first encounter with Daisy was my first day on the job. I walk into the Breakroom to grab a cup of coffee and I notice that the coffee pot was about to overflow. I quickly grab the pot, move it out of the way and replace it with my mug. There I was one hand with the filled pot and one with the mug- a vulnerable statue waiting for the coffee machine to stop dripping when in walks Daisy.
“Wow! Someone was in quite a hurry! You couldn’t wait like the rest of us?” Confused, I explain the situation, thinking, she will definitely love me. I am a coffee pot hero! I saved the counter from a mess!
“Do you need me to teach you how to use the coffee maker?” Confused once more. Maybe this adorable little old lady is hard of hearing, poor thing. I loudly explain that I didn’t run the coffee in the first place. She nods and winks. What?! Now I am a bit defensive. I explain that I was a server and know how to brew a cup of coffee.
“Ooooooh. I didn’t know we hired a fancy server as a sales rep. I hope you sell better than you make coffee.” Alright, Bitch. Now it is crystal clear it shall be war between us. *Cue the dramatic Phantom of the Opera music*
There was the day I decided to wear my cute new bright purple heels with my purple dress. I am speaking with a coworker at her desk when Daisy walks by and declares,
“Wow! Those shoes belong in a strip club, not an office.” I stare for a moment and proudly say thank you. I panicked! I wasn’t ready! But I’ll be ready next time.
And then the time that I needed a refill on water, which is of course in the Breakroom. When I walk in, I quickly notice it is just Daisy and her partner in crime, “Jessie” (taller, light-haired woman in her 60’s). I walk past them in my gray dress, red heels and straight hair. Man, I was waiting for some comment about my red heels. Bring it on, Sister! I am ready this time! While watching some news channel, Jessie tells Daisy,
“I cannot believe women leave their hair straight. It’s just so cheap and trashy looking.”
Damn it. I wasn’t expecting it from Jessie. Nor was I expecting a hair comment. Jessie normally attacks another young woman in our office, not me! I turn and look at them, while still filling up my water. All eyes on me. No words. What am I supposed to say? Insult their old lady hair? I just walk out.
About two weeks ago, I am walking around a corner at work and I almost run into someone. I say “Pardon me!” and we both giggle. I continue around the corner only to see Daisy literally wait by (you guessed it) the Breakroom. I think she was waiting to block me from entering the Breakroom. Jokes on her! That’s not my destination. I keep walking and as I get closer to walking by the Breakroom entry way, she steps right in front of me.
Listen Chix, I am in a happy place. I am not here to start trouble. But if you could picture a little white-haired Shitzu protecting its territory, you can imagine what I was viewing. Today is not my day to take down Daisy. I simply say, “Man I’m almost running into everyone today. Excuse me.” I continue walking past her. I am about 6 steps past her when she yells,
“It must be that wide load you’re carrying around!” I am in utter shock. Did this bitch just call me fat? Ladies, I know I grew an ass for the first time in my life this year (see Quarter-Life Crisis post), but damn! I’m still fairly fit. I turn around and look at her. She simply smirks and walks on her way.
Normally, I am the best at insults and arguments. But I cannot summon the words to insult an old fart like Daisy. I just can’t do it. But I will, the day is coming. My patience has been stretched to the limits.
Daisy has won countless battles. But I assure you, I will win the war.