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Dear Guppy

Posted in ChickTwenty

Dear Guppy,

You’re probably wondering why we call you Guppy. Well, I was with Daddy and his family catching shad (very small fish) in order to catch big fish. I don’t like the word shad because it reminds me of shat, so I called them guppies. Later that day, your Auntie and Mimi talked about baby names for her future children for a very long 50 minutes. Eventually, they asked me what I would name a boy if I have one someday. To get them to leave me alone, I simply replied Guppy. Then it stuck.

Do not fear, Guppy- it won’t stick too permanently. It’s just until we know if you are a boy or a girl. Although, Guppy sure is fitting lately. You seem to be making me feel “fishy” more than I had hoped (especially when Daddy opened that bag of Cool Ranch Doritos in the car!). You don’t know this smell yet, but it reminded me of Daddy’s farts and a hardboiled egg. You’re so worth it.

Not too many know about you yet. Close family and a few friends who needed answers as to why I abandoned my usual diet of coffee, sushi and red wine. Which reminds me, thanks for the 40 hour cold-turkey caffeine headache you lil poop. At least it was on a weekend! I sure do love you already.

We heard your heartbeat this week. We even got your first photo! You reminded me of the large bald man in Game of Thrones. I swear I could see your face. Daddy says I’m crazy. He was the one you saw your arm and thought you were a boy! Wishful thinking, huh? Boy or girl, I’m sure you will be playing catch with Daddy in the yard in a few years. Speaking of the yard, we are getting it ready for you! Nani and Papa are helping Daddy with laying rock, pavers, fake grass and adding a fence so you don’t wander in the pool. You’ll love the place when we’re done. Playing in dirt and weeds isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Consider each new paragraph another time I had to get up and pee while writing this. The doctor said this is your first week producing your own liquids and Man, am I paying for it! That’s okay. Peeing 3 times an hour never felt so rewarding.

Did you know you have already been on 4 planes? What a well-traveled young Guppy. We only knew about you for two of them. When I boarded one of the flights, I asked the male flight attendant, leaning on the chair right across from the aisle of my seat, he stared at me blankly and said “Why? Is it full of books?” Normally, I would’ve called him a f**k nugget and did it myself, but I can’t lift because of you and I have to change my filthy mouth ways. I politely whispered “I’m pregnant.” He didn’t say a word and lifted my bag for me. I wanted to cry. Then a guardian angel from a few seats away whispered “Congratulations” as I walked by. I wanted to cry out of happiness.

Listen, Gups. You have no idea how excited we are to meet you. We still have over 6 months, but they can’t come soon enough. Although, it’s probably best we have the prep time. In the three weeks we have known about you, you have already helped us grow as people. We are fixing up the house and yard, educating ourselves on how to raise you, praying 10 times more, eating healthier and being more financially responsible. How incredible are you!?


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  1. Anonymous

    So special…that little Guppy will change your life forever. Best thing that ever happened to me 🙂 Congratulations lady!

    July 1, 2016

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