God, you are beautiful. Really. Not just in the nice-job-on-the-genetic-game-of-Russian-roulette kind of beautiful (even though you did a great job of that too), It’s you. All that going on inside of you:
Your chest. The way it seizes up in a painful burn, like a cough you can’t get out, when you hear, see, feel injustices. Suffering. Inequality.
Your heart. The way it begins sprinting, like a fireman into a burning building, to hose love out of it when your eyes meet a human, burning in anguish.
Your brain. The way it has shed filters from your forever awake, toppling around thoughts. Its nakedness pouring out of you. Vulnerable. Written without masks to hide the heart wrenching, beautiful, painful, and ugly constituents of it.
You are beautiful.
In the wake of this new year, I feel myself cowering under the swing of movements to close chapters, quit doing ______ , start anew, improve, and I suddenly feel bullied into starting a movement of resolution too.
Until I look at you. YOU. Staring back at me in the mirror. YOU. Beyond the deep blues of your eyes. YOU. That series of wrinkles on the eave of your forehead, between your eyes, created by anguished thoughts of where you fell short last year, and I am suddenly protectively ferocious. Empowered not to critique, but instead, just show up for YOU.
You don’t have to change a thing, Beautiful.
I apologize profusely, for telling you for any second of your life, you weren’t enough. For slaying you with words like Ugly. Failure. Awkward. Fat. Unloveable. Not worthy. You never deserved any of that. I’ve just been a fabulous liar.
Please, don’t worry about changing. Just keep showing up. Real. Wholehearted. History has already proven that change will find its way around to you, growing you without having to pledge allegiance to a Resolution.
You are already one of the most worthy people I have ever known. I will celebrate you the rest of your life. Stand by you when others fall away. Survive with you until your very last breath and somehow still, after that.
Nothing can vanquish me. Nobody can steal my love from you. No amount of time can fade my allegiance. No resolution will shift this.
I am your constant.
I love you without conditions,