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Pregnancy- As Explained By Mr. Perfect

Posted in ChickTwenty

What it’s like being pregnant, written by Mr. Perfect himself, my husband. Prepare yourselves, ladies:

The hardest part is not being able to drink my husband’s drinks. It just gives me so much pleasure to drink his beloved sodas. Now that I am pregnant, I can’t because I am not supposed to have caffeine when I’m pregnant. Speaking of things I can’t have, sushi. Something I used to have probably twice a week, now I can’t have it at all.

Talk about weird feelings- How about having a human growing inside of your stomach? You go 26 years of your life thinking you are all normal then all of a sudden you have a little life growing inside of you. But there’s nothing like feeling your baby move inside of you for the first time! That’s when shit gets real. It’s sort of real when you see the baby move in the ultrasound and when you figure out the sex but you’ll never truly understand until you feel that baby girl move inside of you like a little butterfly.

I can imagine what the cave people thought when the first woman was pregnant! Probably thought she had some type of disease or something. Imagine the looks on their faces when they saw a little baby come out of that woman!

Another thing that is crazy about being pregnant is the paranoia that ensues. For example, every time you feel a little pain or something funny is going on, you are Googling that shit making sure the baby is not dying. Or the fact that every 3 hours, I check to see if there are any new stretchmarks that I see but my husband doesn’t. It’s pissin me off!

I think the biggest farce about pregnancy is cravings. I haven’t had any cravings yet. I think women use it as an excuse to get their husbands to get them stuff at 2 in the morning because they heard their mothers did that. I spoke to a person who was not from the US and he said that cravings were an American thing and he never heard of them until he came to America.

And the crazy thing is I am at that stage where people are like, Is she pregnant or just gaining a little weight? It is kind of awkward watching them go up and down from your stomach to your face without getting caught looking. I just want to slap them in the face and say yes I am pregnant, bitch, not just getting fat like you hoped.

But in the end, it has been a truly amazing process. I am excited to meet our little girl.

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