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Tag archive for: pregnancy

Pregnancy- As Explained By Mr. Perfect

Posted in ChickTwenty

What it’s like being pregnant, written by Mr. Perfect himself, my husband. Prepare yourselves, ladies: The hardest part is not being able to drink my husband’s drinks. It just gives me so much pleasure to drink his beloved sodas. Now that I am pregnant, I can’t because I am not supposed to have caffeine when I’m pregnant. Speaking of things I can’t have, sushi. Something I used to have probably twice a week, now I can’t have it at all. Talk about weird feelings- How about having a human growing inside of your stomach? You go 26 years of your…

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PSA On Behalf of Pregnant Women

Posted in ChickTwenty

-THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR YOU RUDE ASS BITCHES WHEN DEALING WITH A PREGNANT WOMAN- But first, a quick update on past posts: 1. I still have a filthy mouth despite the fact that my little 4 month girl fetus can hear me. 2. I FINALLY stood up to Old Lady Bully Daisy after another typical encounter. Then she fell and broke her leg that day and I sent her a card. 3. My Perfect Husband is technically 1 for 1 on the baby making stats. We have only had one “uh-oh” sex session, which got me pregnant.…

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Dear Guppy

Posted in ChickTwenty

Dear Guppy, You’re probably wondering why we call you Guppy. Well, I was with Daddy and his family catching shad (very small fish) in order to catch big fish. I don’t like the word shad because it reminds me of shat, so I called them guppies. Later that day, your Auntie and Mimi talked about baby names for her future children for a very long 50 minutes. Eventually, they asked me what I would name a boy if I have one someday. To get them to leave me alone, I simply replied Guppy. Then it stuck. Do not fear, Guppy-…

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Are you pregnant?

Posted in ChickTwenty

I dated my husband for five years before he proposed. For at least four of those years, my life consisted of “When is he going to propose?!” and “You aren’t going to wait forever!” Really? If I make the decision to spend the rest of my life with someone, they are clearly worth waiting for, right? I always found that so stupid. Regardless, that time in my life is finally over! We tied the knot. No sooner than AT MY WEDDING RECEPTION did the next phase in my life begin- the “When are you going to have kids?” chapter. The…

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